that's my new name. I sure wish I could just change my name all the time in dA, like in myspace. but I figured I'd put something more dA related in my journal since I always talk about myself, and really, who gives a shit. life is life. After Pixcee said she didn't like dA I thought about why I like dA; what keeps me coming back, when I could just ditch and suffer no ill effects. I could just stop ruining critiqueme and let it fade like all the other critiquing sites, and I could put down my artbook and let my mediochre talent for art fade away and get replaced by something more practical. I would have to start with why I like being an artist- it's a painful process sometimes, because I hate finishing things- you get sick of shading or filling in parts that aren't central. I think it's similar to my bansai trees; it gives me a way of building or growing that doesn't immediately pay off. That's an important lesson, and from a discipline perspective that's one reason I continue drawing. Also, I like to hang on to things from easier days- when I didn't have so many responsibilities and my time wasn't so fleeting. when Im drawing, its just me and the art, and I know there's no sense in worrying about external forces. Discipline and nostalgia- that's really what keeps the sketchbook in my backpack.
And why deviantart? every friend that I had when I first started out is gone, and Im no art magnate. I remember when I first started here how blown away I was by so many of the artists I saw, and it both inspired me and intimidated me. nowadays it more intimidates me. Im no photoshop artist, never have been, so my art is comparatively juvenile. I guess I like dA because when I see so many other artists spending so much of their time working at it, it makes me want to try again. I always want to prove myself to the other artists here, and show Ive got talent, even if it (in my opinion) the most useless of all the talents, from a practical standpoint. I mean, who makes money off art? I mean, the kind of money that lets you retire before your heart stops. but that's off topic.
I haven't submitted anything in 6 months, maybe more. When I come back here day after day to check my messages I see that people everywhere are spitting submissions out like crazy. I realized the other day how long it had been since I submitted and I've started drawing again, and all the art I see here that shows real skill, care and concentration drives me to make my art better- it's a teacher that shows by example, showing every direction an artist can take, and it doesn't mind if I'm passively learning or obsessed with art.
I can understand why someone would leave this place. it takes time and there's no payoff. if an artist is self driven and comfortable with their skill level, or at least their learning curve, then dA would have little to contribute. I guess having no artistic community where I live makes it important to me that I have this tool from which to learn, and I do learn even if I think Im not. In conclusion, me for president. but seriously, this place is where I keep the life of art when I can't carry it around. it keeps alive what wouldn't survive in me otherwise.